Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
