home. puking in laundry basket.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
