after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
