We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
