I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
