Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
