I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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