Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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