Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
