I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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