somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
