in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
