She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
