No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
