He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
