so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
