whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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