You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
