You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
