When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
