The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
