halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
