It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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