I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
