when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
