I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
