one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
