True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
