I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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