i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone says I win the strip club
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
