what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
