I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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