So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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