But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
