I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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