Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The uberlube is also flammable
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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