people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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