sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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