her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
