Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
