You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
