He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
