Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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