C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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