hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
