Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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