I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
