just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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