I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Two words: blizzard sex
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
