awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
