Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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