it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
