Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
