i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
