Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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