hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
