Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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