Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
