I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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