how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
