I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
