Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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