Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize