Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
